Sunday, January 18, 2009

A 007 Fanfic: Hello Tasty Chapter 3 Stupid Soymilk

So as Bond was going to do the nasty with his escort he hears some gas coming from himself. 


"I'm sorry that won't happen again." 

Unfortunately, it happened throughout the whole night that was supposed to be amazing for Bond and his escort had to leave in the middle of their love making.  Bond pondered on what was making him go all gasy throughout the night.  Then he had an idea about what was causing his gas.  Bond goes on his blackberry and looks up the effects of soymilk. He finds out that when first drinking soymilk it may cause some gas in some people. 

"Damn these PETA people!!! I WANT SOME MILK!!!!" 

Bond decides to go to the hotel bar and ask for some milk. 

"Sorry sir, all we have is soy milk here." 

"Fine. Do you have any...tequila by any chance?" 

"Sorry. You might want to read our menu." 

Bond takes one of the menus and the bar and it reads: This bar only serves vegan drinks. 

"How the hell does tequila have animal product?" 

"We don't want to harm worms." 

Bond could not believe a word that this bartender was saying.  He then gets suspicious of the bartender.  He begins to wonder if the bartender is one of the people from PETA. The nametag on the bartender says Frank and Bond decides to leave the bar and go back to his hotel room.  He looks up Frank on his gadget and then finds out that the entire hotel he's in is secretly run by PETA. He calls M and notifies her of this. 

"Get out of the hotel Bond." 

"Fine. I'll just go to Western Union, maybe they have bacon and real milk!" 

As Bond gets out of the hotel he notices something suspicious and he hides behind the bushes.  He sees three dark figures headed toward the back door of the hotel.  He follows them through the back door of the hotel.  He notices that the three figures are none other than the Jonas Brothers. What the hell are these talentless asses doing here? Thought Bond.  He then notices that the Jonas Brothers are in a meeting room with Ingrid, the head of PETA. Bond listens in to their conversation. 

"You three must be able to sing this song we at PETA wrote about saving animals." 

"Sure no problem" 

"Fine, let's have all your fangirls brainwashed by the song. As soon as this happens, we must lead them to the animal testing facility to bomb it. Each of the audience members gets a bomb." 

Darn, I didn't know animal rights activists can be so...violent.  Thought Bond. 

To be continued....

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Hello Tasty Chapter 2 BAM

Bond was on his way back home to prepare for the mission.  Gets inside the car and then turns on the radio, once again he hears the Jonas Brothers. 


Bond tries to ignore the music but he just could not take it anymore. He goes inside his pocket and grabs his handgun and aims it at the radio. BAM! He shoots the radio but not only that he was so distracted from this, he ends up crashing. 

"Damn...I need to sue these boys." 

He ends up walking all the way back to his home. At home he goes to his fridge to see if he has any milk and cookies. When he opens his fridge, he finds a note that says: 

Oh and Mister, we have also left you complementary soy milk and vegan cookies. GO VEG! 

"Stupid.....uuurrghghhh!!!...Well I guess it wouldn't hurt to try." 

He tries the vegan cookies, which aren't so bad.  But once he tried the soy milk he couldn't take it anymore. He grabs his handgun once more and shoots the living daylights out of his fridge. Just after this he receives a phone call from his boss. 

"Bond, please don't shoot your car and don't shoot the rest of your house. You will be fired if you can't do work." 
"I won't" 

He hangs up the phone and is pissed at his boss being a super control freak. After this Bond decides to go to bed. That night he had a terrible dream about the PETA founder, Ingrid Newkirk.  In his dream she was chasing Bond around and trying to tell him to stop eating animals, stop using animals for entertainment and for experiments. Near the end of the dream she places Bond in a bowl and prepares to eat him and Bond wakes up. 


Bond goes to the airport to board his flight to the United States for his mission. On his way to the airport he sees a crowd of screaming fangirls and photographers. There were three guys that were also going to the same place he was going. He stops for a second and sees the guys, he doesn't know who they are and why they have fangirls. He boards his flight along with these three unknown guys.  When he lands, a lady escorts him to his hotel and as usual he asks if he can stay the night over.  

To be continued....

Sunday, January 4, 2009

A 007 Fanfic: Hello Tasty Chapter 1 WHERE'S MY BACON?!?!

So this is a fanfic that has been in my head for a while. My friend (MAGGIE IS AWESOME!!!) inspired me to do this fanfic and now I shall write it on blogger. *DISCLAIMER* I do not own any of the 007 franchise, or PETA, the Jonas Bros. (YUCK! Glad I don't!). 

James Bond came back from a tough mission and is back home in London. He sees the phone ring nonstop. 

"Damn, it's that crazy bitch M. She canceled my credit cards and I wanted to go to Amsterdam!" 
After that Bond decided to answer the phone: 

"Bond, I shall give you your next mission tomorrow." 
"All right." 
"Oh and.."
"What is it?"
" careful with your bacon." 

After M hangs up, Bond was thinking what does she mean to be careful with my bacon. After pondering for a while he decides to go to bed.  The next morning he gets up and dressed, goes down to the kitchen to make some bacon. He goes to his  refrigerator and finds that he has no bacon. Once he discovers this, he hears his doorbell. Outside was a delivery man with a package for him. 

"I didn't order anything!" 
"Well it has your name and your address." 

Bond signs and then takes his mysterious package, he calls M. 
"Yes Bond?"
"There's some strange package that was sent to me this morning." 
"Be careful, I say open it right now." 

Bond opens the package and finds a letter, it's from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals also known as PETA. The letter states: 

Dear Mister, 
It has come to our knowledge that you love bacon. We also know that you love women. If you haven't already known, bacon is made from dead pigs. There has also been research that eating meat daily can cause impotence. So we at PETA have decided to send you a supply of vegan bacon. Vegan bacon is much healthier than that other junky bacon you eat. Now you will be able to go to Amsterdam with those ladies. 


Bond stands in his place for a minute. After that he searches through the package and indeed he finds a supply of vegan bacon as stated in the letter from PETA. 

"Bond? Come to headquarters now and bring the package with you." 

As Bond is driving to his headquarters, he is also flipping through radio stations. He then hears the girly voices of some band that considers themselves rock, singing a cover of The Beatles song "Hello, Goodbye".  


And that song was Hello, Goodbye by the Jonas Brothers!  stated the DJ on the radio.  Bond gets to headquarters to meet up with M. 

"Your new mission Bond, is to find these people at PETA." 
"Will do cause I want my bacon!" 
"PETA is under the FBI's watchlist. They have been connected with extremist animal rights activists that burn down animal testing centers in the name of animal rights. Also you should keep an eye on these people." 

The screen shows three boys, the Jonas Brothers. 

"Why should I keep an eye on those talentless kids?" 
"Just do it for now." 

To be continued......

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy 2009!

Thank god 2008 is done with! Time for a nice clean slate and better things will happen. Hopefully (yes I will say it as others have) the economy will effing improve and that everything will be okay.  I really hope things go better this year than in 2008. I'm already not looking forward to go back to school but at the same time I do look forward. Mainly because I want May to come quick and to keep on working hard in school and avoid senioritis at all costs. Well if any of you all are curious on what my resolutions are. Well here is some of them: 

1)Keep doing well in school-Avoid senioritis/senior slump at all costs 
2) Graduate from High School =D 
3)Go to college and find a way to afford college. 
4)Look for a job and keep it for a few months...I have been for the past year or so but no luck

Yup so there are my resolutions for the new year.