A 007 Fanfic: Hello Tasty Chapter 3 Stupid Soymilk

So as Bond was going to do the nasty with his escort he hears some gas coming from himself. 

"EEEEWWWWWW"

"I'm sorry that won't happen again." 

Unfortunately, it happened throughout the whole night that was supposed to be amazing for Bond and his escort had to leave in the middle of their love making.  Bond pondered on what was making him go all gasy throughout the night.  Then he had an idea about what was causing his gas.  Bond goes on his blackberry and looks up the effects of soymilk. He finds out that when first drinking soymilk it may cause some gas in some people. 

"Damn these PETA people!!! I WANT SOME MILK!!!!" 

Bond decides to go to the hotel bar and ask for some milk. 

"Sorry sir, all we have is soy milk here." 

"Fine. Do you have any...tequila by any chance?" 

"Sorry. You might want to read our menu." 

Bond takes one of the menus and the bar and it reads: This bar only serves vegan drinks. 

"How the hell does tequila have animal product?" 

"We don't want to harm worms." 

Bond could not believe a word that this bartender was saying.  He then gets suspicious of the bartender.  He begins to wonder if the bartender is one of the people from PETA. The nametag on the bartender says Frank and Bond decides to leave the bar and go back to his hotel room.  He looks up Frank on his gadget and then finds out that the entire hotel he's in is secretly run by PETA. He calls M and notifies her of this. 

"Get out of the hotel Bond." 

"Fine. I'll just go to Western Union, maybe they have bacon and real milk!" 

As Bond gets out of the hotel he notices something suspicious and he hides behind the bushes.  He sees three dark figures headed toward the back door of the hotel.  He follows them through the back door of the hotel.  He notices that the three figures are none other than the Jonas Brothers. What the hell are these talentless asses doing here? Thought Bond.  He then notices that the Jonas Brothers are in a meeting room with Ingrid, the head of PETA. Bond listens in to their conversation. 

"You three must be able to sing this song we at PETA wrote about saving animals." 

"Sure no problem" 

"Fine, let's have all your fangirls brainwashed by the song. As soon as this happens, we must lead them to the animal testing facility to bomb it. Each of the audience members gets a bomb." 

Darn, I didn't know animal rights activists can be so...violent.  Thought Bond. 

To be continued....